I have always been annoyed with how resistant I am to eating with discipline.
I mean, I've been successful with it, and I begin to see results...but then there's that moment where I have to get all crazy on a food choice, and then I lose it all together.
What's important to understand here, that as soon as the food hits your gut biome, all sorts of hormonal manifestations occur. What drug am I looking for? What experience am I trying to have? It's not so awesome that I keep searching for the perfect food high, though I don't know a soul who doesn't do exactly what I've done in this debacle.
I realize that I have to keep playing this game with myself in order to continue improving my mission. If I am going to somewhat obsess about getting better and creating a higher performance state in myself, then I have to ask myself these questions. I would worry more about the person who thinks that what they do is perfect and are completely happy with not changing a thing. It's so important to keep changing! Staying the same is what breaks us down and down and down....
I remember having my mom tell me about food. She had me on high protein, low carb diets my whole life. At the time I was working within the limits of my understanding. Thank goodness the world doesn't completely beat down on me for this. I couldn't eat this and couldn't eat that. It's not that I didn't want to, it's that I was told it would make me sick...but then none of us in the family had any willpower to stay away from the foods that would one day kill us. But now I realize that mom wasn't completely wrong, even as I rebelled from omnivorous behavior to vegetarianism, then on to pescetarianism. What we did then, probably saved my life, and had no idea why.
One very positive aspect to all of this is to see myself as that food rebel that continues to chip away at self improvement, which says much about my commitment and discipline. It's only as grim or as wonderful of a picture we choose to paint.