Saturday, December 8, 2012

Working through the change of life...

I've been ensconsed in fitness and nutrition my whole life. So this all should be a no-brainer. Right?? Well...if only it were that easy. I've been pondering all night why I am dragging my heels to simply turn in my paperwork on a program and a process that I can conquer with eyes closed, walking backward, with hands tied behind my back. The truth of food and all of its highs and lows are so obvious to me, that it makes me angry whenever I don't follow my own advice, simply because I know better. But really, to honestly open up on a topic like food in a live journal is both a crazy reality and a mystery to me, since food has always been an awesomely sore subject. It has also been an exciting and inviting adventure into the unknown. Results may vary.
I'm sitting in front of my  computer as we speak. I have a test open right now, that I have two hours to pass. I have to pass with more than 70 percent, which I feel will be relatively easy. However, as for listening to the lectures and really throwing myself into the lesson of nutrition conversations and experimenting, I have not done it on the level I thought I would, back in September. I am also mystified that I started reading several books on food to help motivate me to dig a little deeper and detox myself, when it seems so apparent that I am not pushing to meet my food goals to the degree I would have hoped for at this time. I was supposed to be camera-ready for my shoot, and that was supposed to have happened before school began. hm. There's an issue there.
I'm reading and listening to these gurus in their respective fields. I look at presenters giving fairly magnificent workshop presentations on their specialization, and I await that moment when it becomes me who gives that workshop.  I am that magnificent person. I know that I have what it takes. It is a matter of making time and efficiency work for me, instead of against me.

I think that's in large part what this program is for: empowerment. Period. Being in charge of your life, even if it feels out of control. I would think that part of our reason for staying in old patterns is partly due to comfort zone, but also due to what we can't control.
 If we've lost weight momentarily and weren't able to hold onto its release, we are still trying to control that part of ourselves that created the gain in the first place, and it wasn't the food. We also cannot control the unknown. To me, this is a huge sore spot in many, many people I have spoken with as clients and friends. Starting a diet, running a business, making ends meet are all things we control. What happens when we find success with it? ..we can't always see that far ahead enough to plan it out.
One of the reasons I haven't picked up more clients is for the time I think I'll "lose," in exchange for the money I'll "gain." It's a funny mind play. Now in the end, what do we choose to do instead of the mind play? I used EMDR therapy for a host of issues I had with the energy flow of money and food. Also, teaching yoga has done much to help offset and improve my mind and emotions.

Meanwhile, it's tough to nail something down with...glue...

Reducing my intake on the long road to detoxing.

Ugh. Foiled again by the morning dew drops, acting as lid closers for my eyeballs...and then, it happened. 6:40a. I jump up with a start and realized I had wiled away my morning with sleeping instead of getting myself together for my timely departure. Nothing was intended to fail. Not today. Until....

After having a spoon of natural peanut butter and pounding a small cup of warm tea before driving to work, I ask Kai to pack my lunch. What a great kid. The only thing is that I don't have much to put in there in the way of solid food.
I actually had gotten myself to school on time and I was ready to work. I already had my plan in place for the day. It was only a matter of execution, that was standing between me and my teaching plan.  But now it had gotten to that time of day where my digestion finally awakens from its slumber and begins rumbling mildly while asking for food. Well of course I am non-compliant at first, and slow to progress. Then I realize my stomach is beginning to gently demand that I honor this request.

Really, I've been taking mostly raw food to school in the form of apples, banana, cucumbers and kale salad, almonds, walnuts and dried fruit. I throw in cottage cheese and greek yogurt for good measure. Walking the walk is so 3p, I felt super hungry, so I caved and ate a bag of munchies, 2 eggs with a tortilla and cheese, in addition to half a high protein shake (I got 20g of quality protein and 40g from a full container). I call this caving, since the food wasn't completely on point. There's crowding, reducing, and now, caving. But whatever. I think it was me wanting something solid and not caring after a full two weeks of morning mist for breakfast. I was hungry. Big energy output escapade, sated.

I'm finishing dance rehearsal and flying to Mike's class. Once I get there, I'm not sure I have the calories to get the job done. I asked him on this day to throw in some doozies for the program...and boy, they were great. I did the best I could and felt nauseous as a reward for all my hard work. Yay.
So I'm sitting at the computer and I start to feel that stomach rumbly tumbly thing again, only this time, I'm feeling it in my skin, my neck, my thighs. Each area wreaked of weight loss. We all know how much the body likes to keep it right where it is. But we aren't going to let that X-factor in, so I got up and made a vegan crab cake and vegan shrimp with potato and pea samosas.

Ultimately I feel I am increasing my workout workload and crowding out poor foods while reducing my intake a little. My goal is to get to a full detox, the style of my choosing. I'm virtually gluten/wheat free. While I am confident I will reach my goals, I am perplexed at the profundity of not already having achieved my dreams this round.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Chronicles #6: Detox Detailing

As promised, here is a bit more insight into my thoughts as a woman preparing for a detox. I'm coming to this after years of grappling and being diligent with diet. Here we go.

1) Prepare your mind, body and spirit for a detox.
**Simply, don't go in there empty-handed!! Have a plan: a mental plan, an emotional support plan, a spiritual plan. These can be in the form of journalling, meditation, talking to friends going through the same trials, positive self-talk, a contemplative "fall back" state, when things seem to slide, or altogether go wrong.

2) Detoxing is a mind-body-spirit activity, not just a cleansing of your internal organs.
**EVERYTHING is releasing, not just the physical intestinal tubing. All koshas will cleanse. You will think and feel differently, act differently, and sense your world in a more compassionate, sensitive way.

 3)EVERYTHING will release. Eventually.

4) Journal your thoughts and feelings. Remember them. Remember how the toxic food made you feel.

5) Surround yourself with people who are aligned with your goal. Either that, or suffer every other person offering you a latte and candy bar.
**It's kind of like getting the Negative Nellys away from your goal. Even if the person doesn't mean to rub it in your face that they are about to eat six double whoppers, if that's your favorite food, don't let them affect your mood. And if it comes down to it, avoid them altogether, until your goal is accomplished.

6) Failure is not an option.
**Did you hear that? Or should I say, did you read that? If you were to go off your detox, go right back on and don't skip a beat. You'll probably feel the regret of having done this through the way your system will feel, but it will be a valuable lesson.

7) Going gradually will allow your mind to accept the plethora of steps and changes you will really be going through. It's an internal transformation.
**Changing your lifestyle, after living it for a number of years, is not something you can change overnight. While this is an obvious statement, it's always scary when someone goes into a lifestyle plan all gangbusters and you already know the outcome, mostly because you already did it. And it didn't work.

8) Know the goal. Truely.
**Write it out and talk about it with the right people. Shop about it: take someone you love  to the store with a grocery list and recipes. Get creative while frugal and get one food item that can work six ways, for example.

9) Be public about it, for accountability purposes.
**The more people know about it, the sillier you feel, and the more incomplete you feel, if you don't accomplish the goal.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Food Issues

There will be no more prolonging the truth that lies behind my diet: I need to be on one.

In all seriousness, there are some foods that I am eating, that even as a vegetarian, I should not eat, and it seems to be the hardest thing in the world to get my mind to wrap around letting go of that food which does not give me my best life. So far, the healthiest and cleanest way to run your diet, is to not eat the processed foods which give instant bloating and pain to the body. Even more surprising than that, though, is once you've gone into a new lifestyle, a new way of doing ways must be incorporated that cleans up all the clean choices you've made! You would be surprised at this point, what needs to go. These are the foods that I am somehow resisting in my mind. In fact it is the same mechanism that won't allow me to even go there without alot of self-coaxing and encouragement. I spent my entire youth growing up on a diet. I never thought I would utter those words... ;))

Thinking of Going Wheat-free, then Gluten-free for a while.

I realize how much resistance I have to any nutritional plan that remotely resembles a diet. Here's why. I spent most of my early years ensconced in the ways of Dr. Atkins. I yo-yo'd myself to the brink of despair, feeling fat almost everyday of my life. I know I wasn't too different from the others. But something had to give...interestingly enough, though not a surprising fact, it was part of the reason for my going vegetarian, was just a complete rebellion from all things related to Dr. Atkins. I didn't like that man, though he let me eat a lot of fat and carcass. Mmm. But he wouldn't let me have any cakes, pies or doughnuts. This should have been a good thing, if it weren't for the Sweet n' Low sweetened sorghum breads and carrot cakes. They tasted egg-y and saccharin-y...not a good combo. As a young woman jones'n for a bite of something sweet, that was all they had in dieter's jail.

So today I entertain the idea of going wheat and gluten-free because I've been on quite the heavy balanced and varietal diet of foods spanning all realms. I just seriously need a food vacation, and not because of Thanksgiving. I've been needing one since a couple of months ago, and in particular last month, where I simply started feeling the urge to cleanse my digestive tract. I was feeling full.

I feel better now, as I've done quite a few things to jog my system into play. Cucumbers are incredibly remarkable tools of digestive exiting, for example. But what can I really eat? This alone was my main concern.
This is what I had found out on my new sojourn: Here's an A to Z list of gluten-free foods.

Secondly, based on what I had found, would my sore muscles be to a lesser extent or a thing of the past without wheat? I also read that it would promote mental clarity.

Now, if I were to go gluten-free, I have already noticed packages that are being very clear about our gluten-free thoughts in mind!! Here are some gluten-free foods.

Gluten-free grains:

• Amaranth
• Brown, white, and wild rice
• Buckwheat
• Corn
• Millet
• Quinoa
• Teff

 My search continues. The mystery ensues.