Saturday, December 8, 2012

Working through the change of life...

I've been ensconsed in fitness and nutrition my whole life. So this all should be a no-brainer. Right?? Well...if only it were that easy. I've been pondering all night why I am dragging my heels to simply turn in my paperwork on a program and a process that I can conquer with eyes closed, walking backward, with hands tied behind my back. The truth of food and all of its highs and lows are so obvious to me, that it makes me angry whenever I don't follow my own advice, simply because I know better. But really, to honestly open up on a topic like food in a live journal is both a crazy reality and a mystery to me, since food has always been an awesomely sore subject. It has also been an exciting and inviting adventure into the unknown. Results may vary.
I'm sitting in front of my  computer as we speak. I have a test open right now, that I have two hours to pass. I have to pass with more than 70 percent, which I feel will be relatively easy. However, as for listening to the lectures and really throwing myself into the lesson of nutrition conversations and experimenting, I have not done it on the level I thought I would, back in September. I am also mystified that I started reading several books on food to help motivate me to dig a little deeper and detox myself, when it seems so apparent that I am not pushing to meet my food goals to the degree I would have hoped for at this time. I was supposed to be camera-ready for my shoot, and that was supposed to have happened before school began. hm. There's an issue there.
I'm reading and listening to these gurus in their respective fields. I look at presenters giving fairly magnificent workshop presentations on their specialization, and I await that moment when it becomes me who gives that workshop.  I am that magnificent person. I know that I have what it takes. It is a matter of making time and efficiency work for me, instead of against me.

I think that's in large part what this program is for: empowerment. Period. Being in charge of your life, even if it feels out of control. I would think that part of our reason for staying in old patterns is partly due to comfort zone, but also due to what we can't control.
 If we've lost weight momentarily and weren't able to hold onto its release, we are still trying to control that part of ourselves that created the gain in the first place, and it wasn't the food. We also cannot control the unknown. To me, this is a huge sore spot in many, many people I have spoken with as clients and friends. Starting a diet, running a business, making ends meet are all things we control. What happens when we find success with it? ..we can't always see that far ahead enough to plan it out.
One of the reasons I haven't picked up more clients is for the time I think I'll "lose," in exchange for the money I'll "gain." It's a funny mind play. Now in the end, what do we choose to do instead of the mind play? I used EMDR therapy for a host of issues I had with the energy flow of money and food. Also, teaching yoga has done much to help offset and improve my mind and emotions.

Meanwhile, it's tough to nail something down with...glue...

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